Military Smoking Ban On the Way?

In case you missed your copy of the most vacuous and irrelevant newspaper in the country on Friday, USA Today had a front page headline on efforts by our Commander and Chief to outlaw smoking in the military.

Now, I have never been a smoker (despite having two grandparents that worked at the American Tobacco plant in Durham, NC that got two cartons a week free) but I have pretended to be one occasionally while at Uncle Hyman's preschool for wayward boys and in the fleet in order to get the much loved smoke-break. I despise smoking and smokers. They have no regard for the rest of us in the world and constantly intrude into my personal space with their smoke, ashes and odors.

Having said that, there is no way I have the right to tell anyone what they may or may not do with the bounds of legal behavior under the Constitution of the United States and the UCMJ. Unfortunately, it looks as if Obama doesn't share my belief.

So we will have a military where homosexuality can't be banned but smoking can be. This situation reminds me of a Lincoln story about soldiers and their vices.

"Grant is a drunkard," asserted powerful and influential politicians to the President at the White House time after time; "he is not himself half the time; he can't be relied upon, and it is a shame to have such a man in command of an army."

"So Grant gets drunk, does he?" queried Lincoln, addressing himself to one of the particularly active detractors of the soldier, who, at that period, was inflicting heavy damage upon the Confederates.

"Yes, he does, and I can prove it," was the reply.

"Well," returned Lincoln, with the faintest suspicion of a twinkle in his eye, "you needn't waste your time getting proof; you just find out, to oblige me, what brand of whiskey Grant drinks, because I want to send a barrel of it to each one of my generals."

Let's try to remember what the purpose of the military is; To Kill Certain People and Break Things. Who cares if they want to smoke a damned cigarette?

The Obamanation's experts all whine about how much smoking costs the DoD and the VA. You think healthcare costs are high now? Wait until all of those potential chain smokers that die off at 55 stick around until they are 80!

Smoke'em If You Got'em!

Submarines and Cigarettes

The raising of the Federal cigarette tax today got me to thinking about the time the Ustafish pulled into Halifax. We had been out on training ops with one of the Canadian O-boats trying to listen to an SSK on battery.

Never a smoker, I always brought a couple of cartons on a cruise just in case a commercial opportunity presented itself. About 2 weeks out of port, the smoking lamp started to flicker due to the lack of smokes. Typically, due to poor planning by the boat's smokers, the cigarette market demand was high.

I let the smokers know that I had a ready supply of Marlboros for sale at twice the in-port price of about $5 a pack. Parasite, bloodsucker, scalper all of these names came my way and my chief quietly advised me to close up shop.

A fews days later we hit Halifax and I first section duty. I was topside as Petty Officer of the Deck as everybody went on liberty. Not more than 10 minutes later, a group of nicotine fiends come back to the boat and demanded that I get a relief so I can get those $5 Marlboros from their hiding place.

When I asked what had changed their minds, I got a stream of obscenities about Canadian tobacco taxes. It seems our northern cousins had jacked the cigarette tax to the point that a pack of Dead Cowboys cost $7USD. This is what we call a change in the market.

After running to the tiny Canadian Forces Exchange on base and spending the time to figure the exchange rate, our steely eyed killers from the deep decided the Deck Div. tax was a better deal.

And that, children, is how Seaman Paintscraper paid for numerous pints of O'Keefe's in Nova Scotia.